Yesterday I went back on my antidepressant medication.
After one month happy and drug free and another month slowly sinking back into a hole of irritability and trying to cling to normalcy, I've finally broken down. The worst part is that I'm having to eat my words about how much better I felt without the drug initially. I thought proper diet and copious exercise were doing the job that my maintenance dose of SSRI's has been doing for the last ten or so years.
I was wrong.
Well, I was partially wrong. When things were easy and I had two jobs I was used to and a busy but managable schedule, everything was fine. But as soon as things got stressful and my life started to change with this new position, I began feeling less and less like myself and more and more like a crazy monster that can't handle even the slightest mishap without screaming or throwing something.
So yeah, back to citalopram. When I get my life back in order and start finding time to work out vigorously on a daily basis again, maybe I'll need it less. But even then I think I should stay on, and that's the plan until the next time I manage to forget why I need the stuff and try to play Superwoman.
The general concensus as to the effect time of these types of medications is that they take about a week to two weeks to start working, but after two days I feel a difference. Maybe it's just a placebo effect from knowing I'm back in my safety net, but whatever it is, I'll take it.
I wanted to be the shining example of why medications aren't always necessary if you conduct a healthy lifestyle. But I guess it's more important to be an example of someone who recognizes what their body and mind need to be healthy and does it (even when it's a blow to my pride.)
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